10 reasons (the) Melvins are the greatest band ever (even if you've never heard them)

They've been around forever
Almost 30 years, to be a little more precise. Especially in the today's music world, longevity is hard to come by; most bands on the radio now will be long forgotten in a year or two. Not (the) Melvins, though. Perhaps by never becoming popular in the mainstream music scene, they were able to avoid the path of musical obsolescence. And thank god for that, because 30 years of performing makes quite the discography.  

Nirvana wouldn't exist without them
Kurt Cobain and bassist Krist Novoselic decided to start a band together after both hanging out in (the) Melvins studio. It was Cobain's connection to (the) Melvins that gained him credibility with future bandmates and producers. In addition, Dale Crover played drums at the very beginning, and then again for a tour after drummer Chad Channing peaced out. Finally, it was King Buzzo himself who introduced Dave Grohl to a drummer-less Nirvana in 1990.

They have two drummers
And one of them is Dale Crover, a complete badass who also plays in Shrinebuilder, a band that could probably be described as 'varsity doom' because of their amazing roster. During shows Crover and Coady Willis, who also drums for Big Business with Melvins bassist Jared Warren, are positioned right next to each other and somewhat angled in, almost like an epic battle of drums.

King Buzzo
Everything about Buzzo is awesome. Except he's married. But even that's amazing because his wife does a ton of album/poster artwork for (the) Melvins. (more on that later) Buzzo, known also as Buzz Osborne, is one of the few people who actually earned the title of 'king.' The songs that Buzzo writes aren't just good, they're weird, heavy, and the lyrics mostly don't make sense. The range of this man is incredible, some songs will be slow, melodic lullabies of sorts, while others are straight up heavy, loud, soul crushers. Take a look at this interview he did with Ford Models for the best laugh you've heard in your life.

They're always making new music
Thus far, (the) Melvins have recorded 20 albums. That's one album for every year and a half of existence. Dear every other band out there: whats with the slacking? For a fan, this is pretty much all you can ask for. Since I first began liking (the) Melvins, approximately 2 years ago, they've recorded 2 albums, released a remix album, and are about to release a live album. Thanks for not getting bored of music, guys. 

They play a ton of shows
Seriously, a ton. Earlier this year, they played a show each Friday in January at Spaceland, and had I been 21, I would have gone to every one. (Wristbands, people, its too fucking easy.) Last year I saw (the) Melvins live, on two different tours, within 5 months of each other. Currently, (the) Melvins are touring, but, to my extreme sadness, they were in Seattle just days before I got there.  When you think about it, though, it really shouldn't be an anomaly, if you're a musician, don't you want to play music? (the) Melvins want to play music, and they'll rock your fucking face off.

They have great (and bountiful amounts of) merch
(the) Melvins like art. For their last album, they sold limited edition album artwork of 10 different artists. oh, the choices! If you watched the Buzz interview above, you'd know that (the) Melvins' gameplan is to create tangible products, un-downloadable experiences and items, to bring in revenue, and to create things that their fans actually want. I sure as shit do.

Poster by this guy

pretty much the best shirt you'll see in your life:

coabainbot killing (the) Melvins

They give awesome interviews
Just read this one for proof.

They perform in costume
I don't think I've ever seen members of (the) Melvins wearing pants.  At every show, they've got on the most magical, sparkly, velvet outfits that might best be described as nightgowns. Honestly, though, where'd Buzzo get that goat dress? I want one. Unfortunately, I don't have & couldn't find any pictures of Dale or Coady's outfits, but I can assure you, the sequin covered shoulder pads they wear are beyond epic.

taken at the Troubadour approximately 09/10

 

from here

When they collaborate, it's beautiful
(the) Melvins have collaborated with Jello Biafra and Lustmord, among others. Rather than their sound getting watered down by somewhat inferior musicians, the awesome is multiplied. (the) Melvins + Lustmord collaborative album, 'Pigs of the Roman Empire' is pure gold. Pure, evil, gold. As a testament to said gold, a track from it, which is one of my all time favorite Melvins songs.

And with that, I rest my case. (the) Melvins are the greatest band ever. If by some strange twist of fate, you end up reading this, Melvins, please play A History of Bad Men at your next Los Angeles show. It was the song that first made me love you, and I can only imagine the glory of its being played live.

love, rachel

The best music is free...not.

Good morning! I really haven't been in a writing mood lately, and i might be forcing it a little now, but lets see how this goes. Last few days have been a whole lotta work-sleep-work-sleep-work-work, with a few random fun things here and there. Example: I got my car washed the other day (and holy hell, its the cleanest its ever been) and got chatted up by a semi-strange man. Usually, I'd ignore or say fuck off, but for whatever reason, engaged in a conversation which ended with him giving me his CD, and a business card "so you can call me and tell me what you think of it."
 

This is the album, in all its glory. Kelly and I had a grand old time listening to this masterpiece. Actually we only listened to the first 30 seconds, until deciding that this was the worst decision ever. And so, with this experience in mind, I'll go back to my usual way of not speaking to people who approach me in public. especially at the gym.



Thats all for now, I've go to go to work, like the respectable member of society that I am. I'll leave you with the best thing to happen to newspaper since the printing press: dopeness at Arizona & 10th.

return of the road trip

better known as: the blog post that I actually put pictures in.

And we're back! A little too soon for my liking though, since Seattle was thoroughly awesome (as always). I know, there are quite a few animal pictures here. makes sense,  because my family's house is a bit of a zoo. (and I mean that in the best possible way) I really do miss all the animals up there, even my cat that seriously embodies evil itself. I'd like to think that its easy to tell from the photos which one that is.

If you couldn't guess from the pictures, a bar mitzvah was an integral part of this trip, in fact, it was the primary reason for taking it. Too bad I didn't get a picture of my brother's badass pinstripe pants, I wish I looked that baller at 13.

Pretty fuckin sweet trip, if I do say so myself. I picked up a sweet decal of the Seattle skyline (which will be adorning the back window of my car) and a copy of The Stranger. If you haven't heard of it, (which anyone outside of Seattle probably hasn't) go to the website and read it NOW. Especially the 'I saw U' section, its like craigslist's missed connections, but better. When I was 17 and working at Noah's Bagels, I received my first, and only (i think) I saw U, from a woman, also named Rachel, asking me out and complimenting my smile (and probably my bagel cutting skills, too). But ANYhow, since I've begun to ramble, check out The Stranger in all its wonderful, subculturey, awesome letters to the editor, sketchy personal ad glory. 

On the way back to LA, Kalin and I stopped at Voodoo Doughnut. Despite the array of delicious looking, slightly unheard of options like maple bacon (topped with bacon), or a doughnut with tang on top, I had to go with the awesomely shaped cream filled chocolate. It was pretty amazing, but nothing can ever top a glazed doughnut from Randy's.

And just like that, I made myself really fucking hungry. Fun how that happens. Soon enough, I'll have something more interesting to write about than my life. Something of substance, perhaps. Or maybe I'll just keep doing this for a little while. We'll see.

Peace out, my loves.

Girl, you trippin

Just got off of work, and I really shouldn't be posting blog things right now, because I've got to get ready for the wonderfully impending road trip I'm taking with my friend Kalin. She's awesome, but blogless, so no link, friends. This is also a nice way to say I might be not posting anything here for about a week. Unless I get really ambitious about the amount of 3G coverage I'll have on I5.

Oh hey Mount Shasta, I'll be seeing you again soon. Oh yeah, forgot to say where I was going. We'll be heading to Seattle, where the rest of my clan lives. I've made this drive every summer for the past 3 years, so I guess that's what one would call a tradition. Too bad gas costs more than an abortion right now. (bad joke, but i'm not deleting it).


In other, equally fun news, I'm auditioning for MTV's "True Life: I buy too many cds."
Kidding again. But seriously I do.

The results of a fantastic trip to Amoeba with my friend Melina. (which kind of rhymes). These albums should prove very useful for the 15+ hour drive up the best coast. Last time I made this drive, we recorded every album played on the drive, in order. I don't know if that's on the docket for this trip, but if we end up doing it, you'll find the list here. But for now, it's way past time for me to finish packing. I know, I should've done that yesterday. But I am, and will probably always will be a last minute packer (huh?) who brings way too many pairs of shoes for a week long trip.

For now, my friends/internet stalkers, peace out. And, as always, have fun/be safe, just like mom told you.

a recap of sorts

Hello again, internet, its been a while, hasn't it? I guess I'm not that good at having a blog. But in better news, its officially summer for me! Which translates to: doing what I do best: working. all the time. and loving it. I've realized in recent weeks that I am a person who thrives on stress/being busy. Also, I never get bored. I don't recall the last time I was, and I think that a well crafted music collection has something to do with this.

Speaking of music, I was stoked earlier this week when the cds I ordered on Amazon arrived. Yes, I buy cds, they are awesome, and mp3s don't have cases with sweet cover art or booklets with strange things written in them. And I have what might be described as an addiction to Amazon.com. Its that free shipping. Gets me every time.

I got too excited and opened the package in the car on the way to school. (at a red light, of course.) In said package: Dopethrone by Electric Wizard and Stoner Witch by (the) Melvins. And I am just now realizing how the titles of these albums make me look. whoops. I can't even begin to describe how good Dopethrone is. Oh my god. So heavy, so psychedelic, doomy, and amazing. I fully plan on writing a review of this album, so if you aren't already turned off by the weirdness (aka awesomeness) of the music I listen to, stay tuned.

With almost every Melvins album I own, I have hated it for the first few listens. For me, it takes 3 times of listening to an album to judge it. And with every Melvins album, after the 3rd listen, I'm in love. Just takes time. In other Melvins news, they're touring right now, and not coming to LA. what the hell Melvins? Perhaps because they had a residency at spaceland in January, they're all LAed out. I'd be. Luckily, half of the Melvins (the bassist and one of the drummers, yes they have two drummers, and yes it's epic) are themselves a band called Big Business, and they are also awesome and playing a show in August. So yay!


On a completely unrelated tangent, this ring has me all hot & bothered. wanna be a pal and get it for me?

Peace out for now, friends

-rachel

faf

Bettie Page meets Morticia Addams when I straighten my hair. and I am more than ok with that.

feeling somewhat...psycho

I'm way past due to watch American Psycho again. It's definitely one of my all time favorite movies.
Oh Christian bale, you're fantastic. As is this:

An open letter to Miley Cyrus

Dear Miley,


I just finished watching a video of you performing a cover of Nirvana's "Smells like Teen Spirit," and I must say I'm completely disgusted. I'm offended and fucking enraged. You. Bitch. I can't even begin to put the words together that would appropriately chastise you for this crime against music.

First of all, who the hell do you think you are? You are not the caliber of musician who can be allowed to touch anything written by Kurt Cobain. You're a Disney star turned slutty-underage-horrible-music-singing-abomination. Stick to dressing up like a bird and being a complete fucking idiot while filming yourself smoking salvia. Seriously, even that creepy photoshoot you did with your dad was easier to handle than this.

Lets talk about that performance, girl. I'm not even going to go on about why your justin beiber-esque guitarist should be stabbed, lets just talk about you.  Have you ever been to a show where headbanging occured? I ask rhetorically, of course. What the shit was that? As soon as the music started, you're there jumping around like a fucking kangaroo on meth. I wish that was the worst part of your performance, but no, Miley, you disappoint like no one else can. I cringed just awaiting your vocals, because it'd be scientifically impossible for your twangy ass voice to recreate anything close to Kurt's beautiful, melodic, raspy awesomeness.


Moving on to your choice of song, "Smells like Teen Spirit" is the classic, overplayed, fair weather fan song. Clearly you're not a Nirvana fan; had you known any other songs, perhaps you'd have chosen a better one. And please let me state, "Smells like Teen Spirit" is a great song,  but there are better ones. A ton of better ones. A ton of WAY better ones. To name a few, 'Dumb,' 'Scentless Apprentice,' 'Aneurysm,' or 'Marigold' would've made better covers. But don't even try, bitch.

While introducing your cover, you say that "this song is something I always sing with my little brother." Ok... a little strange. First of all, if you're singing together, I think you're basically just yelling words at each other, and secondly, have you read the lyrics you're singing? isn't it a little weird to chant "MY LIBIDO" with your little brother? Yeah, I didn't think you realized that one.

Also, do you know a damn thing about grunge? Research is crucial, and its clear you didn't do it, based on that sequined outfit you wore. But on second thought, had you worn beat up jeans, chuck taylors and a flannel, I would've hated on you for raping that.  Moral of the story: this isn't your territory, you are figuratively stomping on Kurt's grave. (Call Courtney, you guys would be best pals based on this alone.) You've got a lot of Nirvana fans pretty riled up about this, so leave it at this. Don't try to perform that shit again, don't do another one. This is a threat. Do not test us, because we most certainly will defend the honor of Nirvana, Kurt Cobain, and every song he's written.



With hate,

Rachel, a lifelong Nirvana fan who thinks it'd be 'pretty cool' if you dropped off the face of the earth.

Boneface

Just came across a fantastic illustrator called boneface. hes from the UK, and therefore automatically cooler. Heres some of his sweet work:

pretty dark, but thats how i roll.

Thoughts of a deeper nature (or a post in which I voice my growing disapproval of American politics)

Today we, Americans, are supposed to be stoked. The man responsible for a decade old terrorist attack is dead. People are cheering, standing outside the white house and rejoicing. Sure, this is good news, but when else in history has it been any less than reprehensible to joyously celebrate the death of a sick old man? I might be alone in this view.

To me, the death of Osama bin Laden isn't something to throw a party over. World police killed the bad guy. The bad guy who killed so many of us years ago. This isn't the justice that 9/11 victims/families deserved, this is 'eye for an eye,' this is 'you killed our people, now we'll kill yours.' For some reason, the deaths of iraqi/afghan/pakistani civilians don't matter, as long as the wicked witch dies. The end doesn't justify the means, in my opinion.

Perhaps this comes off as an unpatriotic, liberal, america hating rant. I can deal with that.

I'm down with this country. Mostly. And I do understand why almost everyone is on a high about Bin Laden's death. Somehow, despite the fact that I dislike the majority of mankind, I can't bring myself to cheer about the taking of a human life. Perhaps I'm nicer than I give myself credit for. Perhaps I'm more compassionate than I think. Or perhaps I'm just crazy, refusing to celebrate the death of a terrorist leader, but everyday hoping that all top 40 'artists' will die and end their assault on music. Probably the latter.

Overall, my feeling is that our government is more concerned with announcing 'Mission Accomplished' than actually solving a problem. The fact of the matter is that there are still many people out there who want 'Death to America,' and no matter what we do, these people will always exist. Enemies are a given, especially when you treat the rest of the world like we do. (oh, your natural resources, yeah... they're ours). Obviously I'm not an expert in foreign policy, or any government for that matter, but I do see a problem. Has anything changed in the hours since we killed Osama? Can I board an airplane without getting fondled? not yet. At this point, I really don't think Bin Laden's death will change a thing in this country, but I guess only time will tell us that.


...end rant. 





In semi-related news, this movie looks awesome.



And on another (government related) tangent, I've been watching a ton of videos of Anthony Weiner, who is beyond inspiring in his support of health care reform and blatant dissent of the republican party.

Basically, he's a total badass. More people need to be like this, saying what they believe rather than what will get them reelected. (I'm looking at you, Baracky)



If you've made it this far, thanks for reading, I know it was tough, and at some times grueling and emotional, and my lack of pictures probably bored you. Maybe I'll begin taking more pictures, for excitements sake.

For now, here's a picture of me after my metabolism slows down and all the candy and In N Out catch up with me.